Gat && Chat

The Right Way?

2011-08-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

So, last night was the 2011 VMAs && i must say, i was thoroughly entertained, maybe because twitter had me dying from laughter. One of the biggest surprises was Beyonce announcing she was PREGNANT!!!! Bey && Jay were just glowing during her performance && one could not help, but to be happy for them. THEY WERE SO FREAKIN HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope the pregnancy is a healthy one && i wish them the best.

Now, after it was confirmed she was pregnant, tweets started flooding my timeline about how she did it 'the right way' because her && jay dated, then became married, && then had a child. What i chuckled at, was few failed to mention that Jay && Bey were at a stage in their life where they were READY to have a child. i guess yall forget about that part, huh? i, personally am trying to move away from societal labels as much as possible && not put things on such a pedestal because society says it is 'right' because society fails to tell you what to do when that 'right' thing goes wrong or you are ridiculed && blamed for 'natural' things. Do not let someone else's lifestyle dictate how yours should be because you may not have all the pieces, so do not do it to yourself.

Many people put marriage on a pedestal like its an 'end all, be all' && look down upon others that do not want to take that step. People could be engaged to be married forever && will still get that 'they were engaged for too long' or 'when is the wedding? dang!' With the comments that some people make, i think most of you are obsessed with the LABEL of marriage, it is like you have 'arrived.' Do not rush into things or apply labels or lifestyles that are not applicable to you for acceptance.

Now, with some people's logic, as long as marriage is a part of the deal, its ok. So, what if 2 people that JUST met, date for a 2 months, get married, && have a baby, was that the right way? As opposed to 2 individuals who took the time to develop themselves as individuals && then parents? Are they wrong? i notice that the way things are phrased bothers me more than what is actually being said. By labeling something 'the right way' anything outside of that is thought to be wrong. PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE! yall sure know how to shoot down all of the possible variations for a family to exist. Marriage does not make things better && is not a cure, it is a plus, a bonus, an extra! Did it ever occur to some of you that there are people who do not seek to get married?! i dont think it has. If a couple that has been together 10 years, has a baby, && still is not married, but being the best people, lovers, && parents they worked hard to be, did they do it 'wrong?'

Let me show how much yall glorify marriage. If Bey && Jay got a divorce down the line, some of yall would come to the conclusion that they did not try to make it work, they are terrible people, && the idea of marriage is dead or impossible if they could not last (i.e. will && jada rumor). The other half would think them getting a divorce would damper them from still fulfilling their role as a parent (which is a dumb logic to have). 'what about the child?' 'how are they going to raise a child if they are divorce?' UMMM, they would be divorced, NOT dead.

By saying something is 'the right way' you indirectly or directly down play those that chose other routes. My parents were not married, && even though they are not together && have not been together in over 2 decades (damn im old) does not mean they were not ready to be parents or were incapable of raising a child. They just did not want to be with each other. && what was funny was that, most of the people retweeting that 'right way' tweet come from families that would be labeled as doing it 'wrong.' *slaps knee* You had those who folks probably got married AFTER they were born trying to hide under the 'right way' radar. Be proud of your family dynamic, if you feel you still came out with morals && are doing well, shoot i am! Marriage does not end problems, sometimes it adds to them. At the end of the day, your reality is not someone else's.

Congratulations to Jay && Bey!

Education has no age limit

2011-07-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

My tweets have taken a slight turn. You can still see the jovial side of me && a little dose of what keeps you following me, but my focus has shifted.

For the last few months, my tweets have been more sociologically based. I talk about homosexuality, religion, education, society, etc. I know some of my tweets && views will not be welcomed by all because of people's different beliefs && backgrounds. Thats obvious, but what i am finding out is that people (some) my age really are not open to learning anymore. They may think that by age 22, they have learned all of what they need to. WRONG! People often tweet about how the youth needs our assistance, true. But, quite frankly so does the young adults and adults period. i have a hard time accepting the fact that not many people think deeply, or want to get deeper in their knowledge because they leave their comfort zone. How do you expect to be a role model to someone younger, if you do not represent growth?

To be more specific, my twitter lectures regarding homosexuality and religion may not be well recieved && i accept that. Religion is what stands in the way for most people in accepting homosexuality. Simply because they have been taught from birth that it is "wrong." A lot of things according to religion is "wrong," but people still engage in it. Do I get frustrated? Yes, but i accept it. i accept it because i know socialization from birth is a long && hard process that people do not want to correct. Noone wants to admit or even begin to think that what they have known all of their life could be "wrong" or that there could be more to the story. I accept people's beliefs, but i do not accept ignorance. I do not wish to change people's beliefs, that is not my place, but i do look to enlighten because "blind belief is dangerous."

Education is not something that happens in school. Malcolm X did not go to a university, but he was an intelligent man. He dedicated himself to learning more, to learning the truth (whatever it was). In order to fully learn, you have to be objective. I may not agree with a lot of things, but i will not stop learning about them. How else would i be able to discuss, debate, && converse with people?

Why are some people our age so against learning more? Do they not feel right being educated by a peer? Do they not feel i have lived enough? i do not need to live a long time in order to read, research, discuss, watch, etc. The way some choose to spend hours on youtube, i choose spending those same hours watching the history channel or a documentary. People are being robbed left && right of valuable knowledge because they do not want to think any other way. You are only hurting yourself. A person that knows a lot, can always get over on the person that knows a little.

Twitter has MURDERED opinions

2011-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

So, i have been on twitter for a little over two years && my oh my... Twitter has killed opinions, i mean you cannot say ANYTHING without being labeled a "hater," a "bandwagoner," "not a real fan," && etc. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

As my friend @HERDS_FATHERS says, "if you dont tweet about it, people dont think you did it" or something like that. If i voice my dislike for something or someone, more than likely i will be attacked. Why? With "twitter logic" it is like you did not prove your knowledge to your followers, therefore you obviously are not knowledgable of the topic you speak. Do not get me wrong, some people do just flow with the wind and tweet a bunch of rubbish because they are thirsty for retweets, BUT that is NOT EVERYONE!

If i was to voice my like for an artist, i am labeled as a "late fan." If i voice my dislike, i am a "hater." NOONE && i mean NOONE calls more people haters than the Jay-Z stans. Yeah, i said it! GET MAD! You cannot speak ill of that man or critique him without it being taken negatively. NEWSFLASH people, he is human. Do you all defend President Obama as you do Jay-Z? Do not get me wrong, Jay-Z is just not an "ordinary" artist, he is just not MY cup of tea. Deal with it.

Discussing sports on twitter is like being an innocent bystander in the Civil War. People take their players && teams VERY seriously! Believe it or not, people have been unfollowed, blocked, subtweeted, && etc. all because they did not agree with someone. The funniest thing is watching people get labeled "a bandwagon fan." Welp! NEWSFLASH! ALL of you die hard sports fans began as a BANDWAGON FAN! You did not just drop from the womb in a jersey && a favorite player in mind. Damn. Let people #cook.

Can opinions be wrong? Yes, especially if they are lacking facts. i.e. "black people did not suffer that much during/from slavery" <---- that is an opinion, but it is WRONG! The topics that people on twitter that people get their undies in a bunch for are almost purely opinion, no facts needed. The last days of twitter are drawing near. Cannot wait to see what is the next big thing!

Newark

2011-07-12T06:26:00.001-07:00

With all of the recent murders and shootings, one from the outside looking in would think I would be surprised. Nope. I was born && raised in Newark, I have seen plenty of dead bodies, heard plenty of shootings, && know many “thugs.” When we pop up in the news, I just think “that aint nothing new.” Sad? Maybe to you, but not me because some may see that being from and living in Newark is a nightmare, but it is my reality. By the age of 12, you are conditioned to all of the negativity, to the point that good news being PORTRAYED shocks you. Newark has its good && its bad, but to outsiders the good is non-existent. They focus on the failing schools && don’t reward the winning ones. Glorify the shootings, but do not talk about the students that won scholarships to various programs and colleges. The first thing out of everyone’s mouth is, “we must do better” && yes we should. But, my question to you is. Do you go back to your high school so those kids can see you in your collegiate gear and get inspired? Do you inform former teachers of your accomplishments so they could feel like their work was not done in vain? Do you reach out to inner city boys && girls to educate them about life OUT of the hood? Do you tell your friend to leave the gun at home? Stop selling drugs? Help them find employment? Anything? If the answer is “no,” then YOU must do better. My city’s situation has no one culprit. Everyone must share the blame. Crime is a social problem. Do not think that blacks are the only ones killing themselves and their people, it happens to EVERYWHERE! Our downfalls are just magnified to keep us down. && you know what? You play into it with the SERIOUS “I cant stand blacks!” “blacks are the only ones…” && etc. Just like the criminals fell into the trap, so are you by placing yourself above the people who helped get you where you are. Read a book, do your history because blacks are more than what they portray us to be. Drugs and guns were not created in our homes, but given to us. Everyone says, “when I make it, ima move out the hood.” PERIOD? Where is the “but” the “when I make It, ima move out the hood, BUT give back by doing…” I am not saying killing && selling drugs are right, but one person’s reality is not yours. Yea they sell drugs, but who knows they may give some of that money to take little kids on trips, help a starving family, etc. What are you doing to give back? So with all of this happening in Newark, I do not lose hope, I just hope it gets better. Unlike some, I am proud to be from Newark, I am proof of something positive coming from something “negative.”

Love, Relationships, && Everything in Between

2011-06-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is just me, BUT majority of the people i know are so against relationships && the idea of being in love. Why???? i am so tired of males && females saying the opposite sex 'isn't shit,' well, are you 'shit'? i mean we all have been hurt before, but DANG it just seems as if you are carrying your heart to the maximum && may be the root of it. When we were younger (high school) we just wanted to be someone's 'other' when we did not have much to give. Now, that we are older && wiser (hopefully) we see love && relationships && haul ass the opposite way. It does not make sense. Day in && day out i constantly see tweets, hear conversations, && participate in coversations about how the 'single life' is fun, follwed by the 'i hate sleeping alone at not,' then the 'i just want someone to love,' BUT 'i have been hurt before && i dont trust anyone.' WELP! WHAT IS IT?!?!?! i am sorry, but personally single life is not all its cracked up to be, when you're surrounded by love that others have for each other.

i know, most people are busy with work, traveling, && 'living life,' but don't you want to 'live life' with someone you love? i have been in love, in like, in lust, in trouble, in stupidity, ALL.OF.THAT. && i would have no problem going through it again. You're not going to find 'the one' if you keep running. Today, females are on their 'think like a nigga, so i wont get played by one' tip. Okay, lets get this straight now. GIRL! you are NOT a man, so STOP trying to think like one. From what i see, thats where a lot of problems come from. You're thinking like a man, but still feeling like a female. You are going to get hurt because you are participating in a game you did not create. Ladies, just focus on being the best woman you are && the best man FOR YOU will come along.................well hopefully.

Fellas. Fellas. Fellas. Lets give this 'i cant trust females' line a rest too! put it to BED! We all know yall have emotions asa well, but trying to hide them are going to leave you lonely && bitter. You cannot expect a female to tell you how she feels and give her all to you, when you are giving her 1/3, some other chick 1/8, && etc. (i did not feel like working out the math). You want to be loved too && treated like a King. Well, no King surrounds himself with peasants.

It just seems like everyone is willing to be the 'boo,' 'the shawty,' && everything IN BETWEEN instead of the 'definite.' Trust me, i am not talking like i am better, because i am not. i am currently a passenger on this boat as well. i just do not get it, not to say titles mean everything, but is that what everyone is scared of? So, you feel more pressured being a girlfriend than a 'boo,' but as the 'boo' you do girlfriend 'duties' && the same goes for the males. It is all fine && dandy to be someone's 'other' 'him' && 'her' in a snow/rain storm, but not when it is raining?

i think yall know what yall want, but are wording it wrong. All females/males 'aint shit' just the ones you deal with. 'men lie, women lie, && so do YOU.' Your heart is not the only one that is broken && lets stop playing the victim here. Stop placing the blame on everyone else && just admit, YOU ARE NOT READY!

&& now what?

2011-06-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Now, i am a recent graduate of Rutgers University, i am blessed to have started work after graduation, but i still face the question, '...now what? i know i am starting my graduate program in the fall, but still, 'now what?' Myself && a lot of recent graduates are faced with the question numerous times whethered it be presented by others, or themselves. Our lives, up until graduation from college has been planned for us: kindergarten, 8th grade, high school, college, but NOW WHAT?' Yea, we know to get a job && to start on our 'future.' but what future?

i know there is no handbook for life, but how come there was some sort of guide to follow up until we graduated? Ok, get a job, but HOW are we supposed toget a job? Should we start a family? Should we pursue more degrees? WHAT? The funny thing is, a lot of others do not know, so people say 'follow your heart' 'do everything'...okkkkkkkkkkkkk, but in what order? Which order will give me instant success or gratification? Which road should i go down NOW, && which one should i save for later?

i think that is why many people stay in school, obtaining multiple degrees because the 'real world' is too unstable && they often do not know which step to take, or which road to follow. As a woman, i am faced with pressure to have fun, while i am still young, BUT also pressured to start a family, or 'start looking' before i get too old. My response. 'WHICH ONE IS IT?!' Too many people have suggestions, but lack a plan. i think my generation is more frustrated because we were socialized to believe that once we get our college degree, we were going to have a plethora of job offers, just based off our credentials. Sadly, for many that did not happen.

So, when people ask me 'now what?' i am going to return answer that with a question, 'what do you think?' && if they say 'idk,' well damnit, neither do i.

ALLY

2011-05-21T12:51:00.004-07:00

Boy oh boy, i have not been on here in a while. *welcomes self back*. My purpose for this piece comes from twitter and other sources, and the topic is homosexuality. The ill feelings and other negative perceptions that people have towards homosexuals are terrible. i guess you can argue that i should not feel that way towards one opinion, but oh well, this is not your blog.

There have been several instances where people revealed their undercover feelings && being me, i asked more questions. The MAIN reason people are so against homosexuals is because what the bible says (which i will talk about in another entry). Okay, cool if thats your reason, BUT the bible says more about other things than just homosexuals. There are people that really would not be an homosexuals' best friend or saying what they doing are wrong, well one question. Did you give that same 'the bible says...' speech to killers, cheaters, liars, && the list continues? DID YOU?! It disgusts me that some people are against a group of people that cannot help who they are. Then the 'nature vs. nurture' issue arises. My question to that is, where you born straight? How can you discriminate against someone due to their attraction? Something they cannot help!

To put it in more perspective, do you think one would choose to be hated? You think someone would choose not to have the same rights as others? You think someone would choose to have to hide who they are for the sake of societal popularity? It does not make sense. But then, people want to run around yelling 'only God can judge me!' well if that is the case, back up off of homosexuals' backs. They have enough pressure and do not need any more burdens. && what is even more funny is that some people do not/have not/will not interact with homosexuals! How do you have so much to say about a group of people you do not talk to? It is hilarious that what others do in the privacy of their on home, dictates so many peoples lives.

To go back to some individuals' biblical reasoning, so you mean to tell me God would look pass someone who killed many people, committed adultery, && all that for someone that happens to like people of their same sex? Nahhhh, im not buying it, sorry. You cannot, well you should not pick and choose which pieces in the book YOU follow to apply to you, && which ones you want to use to point out the 'faults' in others. There is no hierarchy of sin, a sin is a sin && if you truly believe in the consequences of sin, focus on being a better you because why you are busy pointing out the faults in others, your faults are brightly shining.

To all homosexuals, if noone loves you, i do.

knee high socks!!!

2011-02-23T12:45:00.000-08:00

this is me at the 2010 alpha stepshow

i am on a mission to increase my knee high sock collection because it just remind me of the 80s && the 90s (my favorite eras). You can dress them UP or you can dress them DOWN
, so what is there not to love???!!!

i want a BIRKIN so i can be SMIRKIN!

2011-02-23T10:55:00.003-08:00

ever since that sex and the city episode, i have wanted one of these

yes! a BIRKIN bag!!! i feel like the leather is calling my name, as it did samantha's

senioritis???

2011-02-21T13:10:00.000-08:00

Honestly, i am about FED UP with school. i am tired of the people, the blah feeling on campus, && so much more. Ironically, the only thing i am not fed up with is learning. It is honestly terribly difficult for me to come out && be apart of the social scene anymore. I AM TIRED OF IT!!!! i am 22, the crowds are not the same, the events are not the same, i just want to walk across that stage, && be on with my life. If i had a choice to hang out on campus or go back to my apartment, then *hauls ass back to apartment*. Am i the only one that feels this way? The same disconnect? Why?

Why? It is probably because not many people know how to have a good time, like a QUALITY good time anymore. Also, i have things to accomplish to make sure i do not become an unemployed statistic come May and showing face at every $2 Tuesday && party is not on that list. It also feels like campus life has become too segregated. People will not show face "here" because so && so is "there" or for other childish reasons...

I just want to graduate, life is so much bigger than Rutgers && the people in it.

party, party, party, lets all get wasted? NO!

2011-02-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

That face, yes the one above is the face i make EVERY
. single. timeeeee i see a party being advertised && their only pull is "FREE LQ!" What does that say? i mean food && liquor does draw crowds, but thats ALL you have to offer? Soooo you are telling me in order for me to fully enjoy myself, i HAVE to, NO, MUST be drunk?!?!?! Mannn #SATdown!

i am at the age (22) where good people && a destination is all i need to enjoy myself. && honestly, i am about tired of liquor && being that i am a senior in college i have probably seen it all, drunk it all, && threw IT allll UP! i know some funny moments come from being intoxicated, but if your main goal is to drunk to get drunk, then your ass is probably not going to remember much. Now, do NOT get me wrong, i do sip here && there, && probably over there as well, but i do not need to && if i do, it is not saying i want to drink until i throw up && damn near die.

i am not judging, do you by all means, but if you are promoting to me && the only thing you can offer is "FREE LIQUOR" or something along those lines...hmmm do NOT count on my attendance.

Where are we now?

2011-01-17T14:14:00.000-08:00

Now, i am NO expert, but i am a Sociology major who loves connections && seeing the bigger picture.

Today, we honor Martin Luther King Jr., for all he has done for African Americans as a 'race' && others as well. When i went on twitter, i saw different tweets talking about the state of Blacks now, and how Dr. King would be disappointed, but would he? The problem i have is applying 1950 and 19060s methodology to issues in the 21st century. Yes, social problems do not go away, contrary to popular belief, they just manifest && are labeled with a new name, but lets give each other some credit. Now, i am going to point the 'blame' at various groups, to show that no one can be completely held accountable.

First, we have moved from mechanical solidarity (social cohesion based from similarities) to an organic solidarity (social cohesion based upon differences). What many Blacks are forgetting that this applies to EVERYONE, we all have went to being family centered, to more independent because that is what our survival is based upon. It has became more about human capital && what YOU can bring to the table, not what YOU, he, she, && the rest of them can bring forth. That shift has changed the focus of individuals everywhere because in all realness, its a 'dog eat, dog world' out here. Technology has been destroying human communication and relationships since the first tool was put together. With that being said, many Blacks (especially college students) are striving to be their own boss, && is it a bad thing? No, but we must realize everyone is not going to make it, just make sure you're not the minority.

Secondly, the Black 'race' is relatively new to success. We were denied opportunities for CENTURIES, and is just getting our foot through the door. Other groups came willingly (to America) && brought with them their education (of some sort), && etc && began to build their family wealth from there. Black people were BROUGHT here && just started working towards establishing themselves since around the 1950s(give or take). As some like to forget, America was not built on equality, but differences. inequality && racism is embedded in the laws, the culture, && so much more, so what we(Blacks) are doing is not entirely our fault. Someone once tweeted 'society prepares the crime, we just commit it.' Yes, Blacks are killing each other && its a tragedy, but that in itself is a result of oppression (will go into further in another blog). We, as a people must stop comparing ourselves to others because we are not the same. Also, as Blacks we need to stop segregating ourselves with the bitterness because our brothers && sisters are succeeding. Trust, i know that there are so many other factors that goes into people not making it, which is unfortunate, but that is our capitalistic society, there must be someone at the top, && someone at the bottom. The brothers && sisters that have 'made it' are deemed the exceptions, society is not ready to let Blacks FULLY into the successful race, just be grateful we were able to start running in this race. Blacks truly do not know how hard it is for a successful Black person to stay true to their 'race' but also operate in a white man's world. You cant open a door for millions of others if you're still at the peephole. Everything takes time, sad, but true.

Thirdly, we talk about a sense of community && 'when i make it' 'when i become rich' && etc, but what are YOU doing now? You cant criticize those in power, if you are not helping from the bottom. Do you do community service? Support causes? Instead of complaining, help out.

Fourthly, we cannot fully blame OUR generation. Who raised us? Or who did not raise us? After the deaths of MLK && Malcolm X created a divide in the Black community. Some wanted to maintain the non-violence approach, some the pre-ephipany Malcolm C(Panthers), && others were unsure. Then two decades later crack was introduced && all hell broke loose. Kids were left to raise themselves && did what they could && knew how to do. Also, with the achievements of MLK && Malcolm && others, we felt that we were good. You can say that Blacks have made progress as far as racism go (its more subtle), but there is a new focus. MLK was beginning to focus on economic equality before he was murdered because he saw that as an issue that was rising. Long story short, short story shorter, our focus did not change with the times && we did not have THAT Black leader to guide us.

Fifthly, we talk about the music && etc, but that is our outlet! Yes, there is music that degrades women, promotes violence, && etc, but there is music that does the opposite. If you are shocked that the music with 'negative' messages get more play, WAKE UP. && we get mad at 'nigga' 'bitches' && 'hoes' but constantly say them && sing along to every song with those words. Music has been Black people's outlet FOREVER, you take away that, you take away the little voice we have.

All in all, there is more that goes into this, but those are just my thoughts. i can say that Blacks must not put our future on one person (President Obama) && expect miracles. We need to educate ourselves on our society, the legal system, && so much more so we can be prepare to deal with the world we live in. I am just happy && blessed we have been able to make some progress.

So......where is your boyfriend?

2010-11-28T16:39:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a swell Thanksgiving! Besides being stuffed with food, the returning college students were also stuffed with questions. You know, the S A M E questions from the previous years: 'What are you studying?' 'What are you going to do after you graduate?' 'How is school?' && the BIG one 'Where is your boyfriend?' Males get the 'Where is your girlfriend?' question i am sure, but im going to focus on the ladies.

The reason the 'Where is your boyfriend?' question bothers me because i think they are trying to be funny. Did you see me with a boyfriend last year? Did i mention a boyfriend was coming? Did i even hint that i wanted to date? So much runs through my head, its like its THANKSGIVING, NOT 'lets pry into Makia's personal life.' So when i answer 'i don't have one' i get the 'Why??? What happened to??? You're gay???' NOOOOOO! i just don't have a damn boyfriend!

But, that question always gets me thinking. i, like many of my other friends are single whether it be technically, or just REALLY single. Before we came to college, the older folks...at Thanksgiving dinner would fill our heads with the whole 'You will meet your true love in college' && talk about their college relationships. Well, NEWSFLASH it does not happen like that anymore (well not at good ol Rutgers). My generation are more focused on the non-traditional relationships, you know...the 'they know what it is' type of relationships. i mean, this is not the first time it was happening, so why didn't the adults elaborate on these type of things.

In college, titles are just as rare as having your term bill paid in full && on time. In high school, everyone was all boo'd && loved up! WHAT HAPPENED? i guess we came to college && saw the abundance of people && said to hell with being tied down. i honestly think we would not have a problem with being tied down, we just do not see the reason to, or think this is the right time. The funny thing is, being single probably never bothers us that much UNTIL we go to family functions because they want to know what have we been spending our time on in school, they know it is not all academics.

For us females, i swear our families just want to make sure we are marketing ourselves right. My mom could care less, but the old-heads know that's on their minds. They want to make sure we are graduating, with the stability of a job, degree, && a MAN! They want to be assured that we are in the process of securing that doctor, lawyer, etc. REGARDLESS of what we want.

Then on the other hand...

Do they really care about whether we have a boyfriend? Or are they trying to find a indirect way of asking 'Are you having sex?' 'Are you having a lot of sex? With a lot of people?' 'Is someone getting away with all that milk, WITHOUT buying the cow?' It is just a gimmick to creep into your personal life, so they can have a new batch of questions for Christmas dinner && the next Thanksgiving. If we do say we have a boyfriend, then we get the 'Well why haven't i met him???' 'He didn't want to meet your family?!' you know...all that crap. Its a lose-lose situation, so the best thing is to stuff your face with food, nod, && utter 'i just don't have time for one.'

A letter to my Heart

2010-10-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Heart,
I am writing you this letter to ask why? Why must you take me to places my mind fails to understand and where you fail to survive? They always say go with your heart, but what do you know anyway? You are just a little thing that gives me life, and brushes of death. I need to know your expiration date, so I will stop depreciating your value with love for those that does not appreciate mine. How can your little self constantly give && give && give, while rarely taking back? Heart? Why can you not sense when you are alone in a situation? What situation? The situation of love, whatever that is, but you know what I am talking about. Its when you skip a beat at the sound of a name, but beat too much at the feeling of pain. Loving him has filled my eyes with water and you with excuses instead of life…but you keep on pumping. You keep on pumping with the thought of hope, but the reality of failure. Is that not enough? What does it take for you to give up? Do you need to die for you to live again? For you to lose to know you never had that win? Give up already, you are alone as I am && as dumb as he is for not seeing that you && I can make someone happy someday. Matter of fact, I need to stop listening to you, && feel with my mind && think with reality. When will you stop interfering with my brain? You both give conflicting advice, which doesn’t pull me left or right, but leaves me in the same situation. I guess you will give up when someone fills my mind with love && my heart with the truth.

He's mine, you may have had him ONCE, but i got him ALL the time???

2010-07-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

&& as you all can see, i get majority of the ideas for my blogs from Twitter, as well as other realms of life. What sparks my interest now, is the 'wifey syndrome' as i like to call it...you know how a lot of females stick with their man LONGGG after one can imagine && for reasons only one can only dream of. Now do NOT get me wrong, women should be there for their man, support him, try to work through problems, && etc. BUT sometimes, the towel should be thrown in!

"Wifey syndrome" is when women will tolerate almost any && everything to prove to herself, her man, && others that she is there to stay && noone can take her place. They all may be true, but at what costs should a female hurt herself emotionally, mentally, && etc to prove something, that should already be evident? I know ALL relationships have problems && some are resolvable, but sometimes leaving is the best solution.

For this particular blog, im going to speak on cheating, because that causes majority of relationship problems. I know in some cases, infidelity can be forgiven, but HOW many times must he cheat for you to leave???

Prove to HERSELF: As women, we want to find the solution to every problem, no matter the cost to prove that we are not weak && can work through anything. If our spouse cheats, most of the time we forgive him because we look at it as a 'slip-up' but what if this happens on a constant basis? What is a woman to do? Society && people in our lives has pressure us && 'trained' us to be there for our man, be the strong woman he needs in times of uncertainty, && indirectly give up a piece of our happiness to guarantee his. If a woman(with no attachment: kids, etc) has a cheating spouse she wants to prove to herself that she is the one for him. He saw something in her from the beginning && she wants to make sure he still sees her 'ride or die-ness.' What men do not realize is that when we are cheated on, constantly we tend to question ourselves. Am i pretty enough? Do i not do this or that right? What does he see in her? her? && HER? When will i be enough? So we tend to not break the relationship off, or do so for a short period of time so you can learn your 'lesson,' but this sometimes works against us because he may view it as 'she is always going to be here.' We have it in our minds that things will return to what they once were && will damn near kill to ensure that. On the other hand we may think that no other male will && could not ever care for us like our spouse does. Now we pre-maturely take ourselves off the market because our goods are not 100% credible(so we think). Its a terrible mind game we play with ourselves because we cannot figure yall out.

Prove herself to him: Why men cheat? I DONT KNOW && WILL NEVER KNOW. Women constantly ask this question because they hope one day someone will provide an answer that they can take, run with, && magically cure their relationship with. Women want to prove to their man that 'she' cannot compare to 'me' && stick around && do whatever they have to do that to prove that. Although a man may know the women he cheats with cannot compare, he will do so because they dont. Speaking for personal experience, i figured that if i doubled up on my girlfriend duties, he will reduce his cheating ways by half. What women fail to realize that if he constantly cheats, especially with the same female, there are feelings involved. *gasp* NO! it cant be?! Yes, ladies, men catch feelings too, not often for the 'side girl' but it happens. If women, do know this, it becomes a competition.

Prove herself to others: Who are the others? Family, friends, && HER. If others know the couple as 'the perfect couple' or something along those lines it is sort of embarrassing for others to know you cannot keep your man in 'check.' Not to say it is your fault ladies, it is just the reality of things. As much as people swear they understand, they in the back of their minds think 'what did she do wrong?' 'How could she not know? i knew. EVERYone knew!' That cuts a woman deep, REAL deep. We may not want to admit it, but when you're in a relationship, you lowkey care what others think...the degree just varies among women. The 'wifey syndrome' plagues many women because we just have to show we are 'down' && that our place is held. Others' opinions may matter, but HER'S matter the most. The 'her' i refer to is the person your spouse is cheating with. We refuse to let her get the last laugh. We think: 'how dare i let another woman come in && take what is mine?!' It hurts us to know that she has a piece of him && had him in some form of way. We do not want HER to be able to sit && gossip about us to her friends && have us be the laughing stock. The 'wifey syndrome' kicks in && we work so hard to recover our relationship, but to most importantly get that piece or pieces he shared with her back.

Now do not get me wrong, not all women stay once they are cheated on && for the most part, you should not stay. Why? Because if he could not value you what you had with him, then he will never value it. Sorry, it is the truth. You can force those puzzle pieces back together with tape, hoping they stick together, but guess what? If you pull apart the tape, you pull apart the whole thing. As women, we need to realize our value && be with men who realize it as well. It is not easy to jump up && start over && you should not blame the next man because of a past man because you may end up missing out on the perfect man for you. Once he gives a piece of himself away, he will never be whole with you again.

Sooo what do WE say on Father's Day????

2010-06-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

So yesterday (6.20.10) was Father's Day, && my Twitter timeline was full of people either being positive && saying how blessed they were to have their father in their life, or people being negative because their father was a "dead beat." I was looking at those tweets && wanted to retweet EVERYONE'S! I know that seems a little odd, but it is because I have a D.B.F. "dead beat father" for the lack of a better term. I added "father" because he does acknowledge his responsibilities && has been there, but he is a "dead beat" because he forgets to be there in the time of most need. People tend to forget about "us," especially in the African American commmunity because they only see two types of fathers, the good father && the dead beat.

If you were to ask my mother what my father is to her, she would say "my child's father" NOT "my baby's daddy" which is a term the African American community is plagued with. Like I hinted it before, a DBF is caught in between taking care of his responsibilities && forgetting he has them. People whose fathers never been in their life always tell us kind of offspring "be happy you have a father" && although it may be true, not quite. I tell them in defense, "I rather have a father know he does not do what he suppose to, than father that does a little or just enough && act like he does the most." See folks, it all balls down to disappointment. If you have a dead beat, you KNOW not to expect anything great, but when you have a DBF, its like a game of heads && tales...you never know what you are going to get.

From the time I was born, my father has been there, but would go on periodic "act ups," meaning he would try to neglect his responsibilities. To make a LITTLE excuse for him, I was his 3rd child at age 25. I have a sister that is 8 months older && a sister 7 years older than me that he had BEFORE he went to jail for about 4 years. Yes, I know fatherhood was a little scary, but you do not run from it. From the beginning of time, men have been socialized to provide for their family && be tht rock of financial stability. The problem was in those times, Black men barely had the means to provide, so when some could not, they would run from it. Society always tells us what to do, but never what to do when we canNOT do "it."

When my father would go on those moments of "act ups" my grandmother, his mother (R.I.P.) would straighten him out && he would go back to being my loving daddy. Believe it or not, my parents have joint custody && since I was 2 til about 10/11 I spent almost every weekend at my father's house. There, my daddy cooked for me, bought me clothes, && acted like a parent. Only thing my father could not do was hair -______- so my sister or step-mom would do it. My father was the one that purchased me new constructs && forces EVERY school year, if we were in the mall with just a simple poke out of the lip, I would get something new. My father did do extra eventhough he paid child support && I am grateful for that. He taught me how to ride a bike, how to recognize a "nigga" from a "man." I am happy he did that, I remember those times too, but I remember the bad times more...

My father && step-mother been together for as long as I could remember, but got married when I about 7. I remember NOT being in the wedding, NOT being able to call my father, him NOT answering my phonecalls, him FORGETTING me, I remember it ALL. When my step-mother had my two younger siblings, it just got worse. My father has 5 daughters,but the last two got the opportunity to have a "family." They had BOTH parents in the home, two sources of income, all the glitz && glam. Although, I am glad my father never lived with me because he is different from my mother in many ways, I wanted that "family" setting. When I would go over there, I never felt at home, it was NOT my home. Everything was THEIRS && the only things that were mine, were the things I came with. That hurts, especially when you are young, because there is YOUR FATHER, with HIS family; you're the remainder.

My father && I are not speaking because I called him a "monetary father," see he would rather throw money at the situation than fix it. When my mother would kick me out, he would not come to get me. If I was stranded, I could not call on him because he would refuse to get out of bed. I could not talk to my father because he was not that open to me. He looked/looks at me as if I am ignorant of the world && does not give me the credit that is due. I could depend on him to move me in && out of school in college, but cold not depend on him for a birthday dinner. See, the other women in his life came before me, something I hate him for. He would do things for them(grown ass women) that he would not do for his own child.

I have plenty of friends that are like me, we may love our fathers, but we hate what pain they have caused us. It is either be there or not. When my grandmother died when I was 12, I think he finally chose the option of "not," I mean who was going to back sure he does what he needs to do?? Not my step-mother! So I say my father has done for me out of guilt && pressure. Yes he loves me, but honestly he could be a better father. && the thing that hurts the most is when your father has another family, he does what he has to do for them, but you get the short end of the stick. Its like you just see the proof in the pudding, but you get handed excuses.

You do not know the disappointments of having a DBF until you sat in the window for hours dressed up, with no sign of him. Until you called his phone all day, with no answer, but for your step-mother to say don't call here no more. Until your step-mother tells your father what to do && what not to do with YOU. Untilyour sisters get what they want without effort && you have to go without. Until you && your mother are struggling,but he rolls up in a brand new truck. It is so much more I can say, but I rather not. It wasnt until last week that I said "fvk it" && "fvk him" why?? because I have my mother. So what do WE say on Father's Day??? I say nothing.

FRIENDS?! How many of us have them???

2010-06-15T13:25:00.001-07:00

Friends, besties, aces, crews, posse, whatever you want to call them...lets talk about them. Now I, as well as others have made && lost several of friends along the way. Why??? There are several reasons why, some grow apart, some grow up, some were never really friends to begin with, jealousy, TOO many reasons to list.

One of the best testing grounds for friendship is college because some friends got to the same college, some go to a different college, or some do not go at all. An illness that a lot of females suffer from is the "mine syndrome." The victims of the "mine syndrome" believe that: 1. since she was MY friend FIRST, she cannot be anyone else's friend. 2. she always has to hang out with ME before anyone else. 3. if I have an enemy, that is HER enemy too, no matter what. 4. what ever level I am on, she has to be on too (not a problem if its positive, but often times, its not). 5. all HER time has to be devoted to ME, if its not, than I am not happy... basically it is a problem of selfishness.

A lot of males critize the female relationship because they simply do not understand, && sad to say, we as females barely understand either. I can use my Sociology background && fully disect the issue, but I am going to keep it simple. Humans are individualistic, meaning they care about themselves a lot, A LOT! To add to that, females are emotional && have a caring problem, so with any relationships we engage in, we take it personally. I am going to analyze the college friendships because that is what I know best, but it can be applicable to other settings.

FRIENDS THAT GO TO SEPARATE COLLEGES: I have a best friend of 16+ years who goes to FDU, we barely see each other, but that does not affect our friendship. When friends go off to different schools, it allows them to grow in different ways && meet new people. The world is bigger than just the people you already know. Does my best friend have other close friends? Yes. Do I speak to her everyday? No. Do I know what goes on in her life? Yes! If your best friend, or friend goes to another college let them make OTHER friends, but still be there for them. It is a learning experience && allows yall to grow differently, but the same as well. Your job is to be a FRIEND not a stalker! So let them live their life && you try living yours as well.

FRIENDS THAT DONT GO TO COLLEGE: I have grown apart && away from some friends back home && sad to say, but it is apart of life. Some friendships, like some relationships are not LIFELONG! Is that a bad thing? No. Why? Because maybe God placed you in their life just for a period of time to impact them for the rest of their life. Reasons this type of friendship tends to fail is because once you are in college, it consumes a LARGE percentage of your time && energy. Some understand your new committment while others do not. Then you may have those that are secretly jealous that you are doing what they should have been doing && want you to be stagnant because "misery loves company." EVERY college student knows what I am talking about because we have this discussion ALL the time. When you attend college you expect && require new things from life && sometimes people do not understand that. Back home friends may say he/she thinks "they're too good" && that may not be the case, but what is the case is I am too good to be wasting my parent(s) money, so I have no choice, but to do better. For females(males too) the "mine syndrome" comes into play... "oh, you rather be with THEM, than ME or US' && things along those lines. If you have friends that do not go to college, the friendship may && could work if they are striving to do better && be better.

FRIENDS THAT GO TO THE SAME COLLEGE: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. This is where a lot of males do their observation && come to the conclusion that females are catty && childish because they see the friendships DIRECTLY! I, came to college with my friends, like others did && if you have lived with your friends, it either made yall closer or made yall grow distant. Now when we come to college, we are still in high school mode, meaning we are still cliqueish(which never really changes,but becomes less apparent) && only hang out with who we know, until we meet others. The problem many females make is making friends && enemies in groups...WHY? Because when someone does not adhere to the "rules && regulations"<---*rolls eyes* of the group, they are thrown to the wolves && their name is crossed off the list. So what happens is the person that has been "kicked out" struggles to find new friends because they no longer have a comfort zone. Now the fellas call us catty because when we do have problems within the group, some females tend to talk bad or down about the ex-friend to their mutual friends && surrounding individuals, making their independent survival HARD AS HELL! It is okay to vent about your frustrations about the ex-friend, but to KICK THEIR BACK IN && REVEAL ALL THEIR SECRETS IS A NEGATIVE! The majority && the minority can both do this. This is a trait of the "mine syndrome" because you are trying to make sure noone will ever have what YOU had with them, so you sabotage any chance of it occurring.When the minority or majority does happen to make a new set of friends, the opposer may critize it as being "fake" "phoney" && "a front." All of that may be true, but can also be true is that YOU could have been stopping their relationships with others because you did not want to let anyone else in the clique. When you have a clique, some may be closer than others are, but SECRETS are shared, && if the group does fall apart, so does the lock around that diary of secrets. The people that leak your personal business after the relationship is over, was NOT your friend to begin with. This is where EVERYTHING gets crazy && people start getting into your business, because YOU are stirring the pot of rumors, fvkery, && drama. YOU help control what others may think of you, so dont run your mouth about what went on, talk negative, && then try to revive the friendship beacuse then you are being FAKE, PHONEY, && FRONTIN'. Sometimes, you just have to take that "L" && do better with another friendship. If you really want your friendship to work, you talk to YOUR friend && not everyone else.

Remember: A friend is someone that wants the best for you && will ensure you get && deserve the best. They are there to make sure the right people are in your life, encourage you to be better, && are that ear when you need to talk, arms when you need to be embraced, feet to help you get further in life, eyes to see the real in yourself && others, brain when you cannot think, mouth when you need advice, && hands to knock anyone out that is trying to get in you way.

NOW! FRIENDS?! HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM???

What are we REALLY following on Twitter???

2010-06-09T10:24:00.001-07:00

#ohlehdoit! Everyone knows that Twitter is one of the most popular social networking sites TODAY! I mean where else can you follow your best friend, favorite celeb, && everyone else without seeming like a stalker??? TWITTER! #POW!

Now...I joined Twitter in March of 2009, && when I did it was only a small group of people 'riding the twitter wave' (#shoutout to @NaeDavy @LaMlle @PolitiCal_Kat && @Jess_Diegue), but back to my point && my point is Twitter was fun && SOCIAL back then. I still love Twitter, but it has become OVERLY EMOTIONAL! I, as well as others perodically go on emotional rants about what is tugging at our emotions, but some people take it TOO far. If I would have known that I would be taken on an emotional rollercoaster once I press "follow" I would be following half as many people as I do now.

Twitter is different from Facebook in the way that you can be more reckless, its more "FREE" <--- I use that word loosely && I will explain why later. It is a place where you can tweet random thoughts, connect with people && see how people think, especially when they do Trending Topics. BUT like Blackplanet, Myspace, && even Facebook, Twitter is being taken over by people that excel at messing up a good thing.1. TWITTER STALKERS: These are people with or without twitter that stalk individuals pages for "information" && report back to who??? I DONT KNOW. I mean we all may discuss what someone posts among friends, but to just lurk && "follow" someone for information to use against them is just PITIFUL! #getalife These are the people that start rumors, ruin relationships of all kinds, && just make things "all bad" in the words of @l0calCELEpr3tty

2. THE #YOUREDOINGTOOMUCH PEOPLE: These are the people that talk too much about sex, too much about their issues, too much about every little thing...this is TWITTER NOT OPRAH! Yes! We all my ask our followers a question, their opinion, && all that good stuff, but to constantly talk about things that have no relevance in life bothers me! They are the people that you *rolls eyes* at their tweets because you just want them to shut up!

3. THE PARTY PROMOTERS: These are the people that killed Facebook along with the local hood goons. Yes, Twitter is a good place to promote, but you will NOT fill up my timeline about your party being a "zoo, jungle, playgroudn, circus, etc" like you fill up my Facebook inbox. But, honestly there are people committing less crimes on Twitter.

4. THE FRONTERS: These are the people that tweet about how they are "grinding" && just brag about life && etc. What baffles me the most is that these people forget that unlike every other social networking site, Twitter is a place where a LARGE amount of your followers KNOW YOU PERSONALLY!!!! These are the people you want to tweet #killyourself too, because they just portray another persona that is far from what they are. WHO DO YOU HAVE TO IMPRESS?!?!

5. I HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT: These are the people that NO matter what anyone is saying, they must go against the grain, just for the sake of being "different"...it really blows my mind because you know deep down inside, they want to agree, but they have to be an ass, && say something different. #smh

6. TWITTER THUGS: These people are the ones screaming #thuglife because they send out #subtweets, or even '@' the person && think they the next Nino Brown. Funny thing is, we all know who you are talking about && you look like a f*&kn fool because we all know you will not do have the stuff you tweet about in person. Females are not the only people guilty of this, I see it from a lot of males as well. #cutitout! && the time you see the most #subtweets is during #TT or trending topics, WHOA BUDDY! People really go CRAZZZZAY *Jeezy voice* with those. I, as well as the rest of Twitter does not care about who stole this, who made you mad, who sleeping with who, && etc (it is quite entertaining though), but none the less...#growup

7. TWITTER FRIENDS: These are the people that became BFFs overnight! Yes, Twitter has brought some of us closer, but if you were not my best friend THEN, TWITTER wont make you my best friend NOW!

&& you are probably thinking, "Why not just unfollow them" && you can unfollow some, but not all because they are either your friends or........

8. THE EMOTIONAL TWEETER: These are the people that get mad when they lose a follower, THINK someone is tweeting about them, they are just overall sensitive. Eventhough it may pain your eyes to see them in your timeline, you swallow your pride && just keep them around because you do not want to hear their mouth. People really think that the people that are following them are real, life long friends, some may be, BUT NOT ALL! Twitter has become individuals' WORLD because they let 140 characters dictate who they are! #youneedyourasswhooped

There are many more crimes being committed on Twitter, but those were the ones that came to mind. Just be cautious of what you are getting yourself into once you press "follow" && on that note FOLLOW ME----> @makikicub

We HAVE to do BETTER!

2010-04-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, this post is not meant to disrespect anyone or put anyone down, but this is what I have observed in the Black community at Rutgers University, that can probably apply to the Black community any && everywhere.

The Black community often preaches unity && togetherness, but when it is time to do so, there is often little or no action to back up those words. On Rutgers campus, there appears to be a bias amongst people on which events to support. As a Black community we should ALL support each other's events ESPECIALLY events geared towards a specific cause. It is funny because we all can come together to go to a party, (on another thought we have issues with that too) but it just makes me angry. Honestly, I am guilty of having a bias to certain events, majority parties, but I try to show support to a lot people && a lot of causes, it is just a shame that that same support is not returned.

General statement: To be frank, Black people have to do better. We have to put aside our emotions for a greater cause because if we cannot support each other, how can we expect others to support us?

Having experiencing && witnessing what has happened today, it has opened my eyes to a greater problem in the Black community. I will not stop supporting other organizations && their causes because that is not my personality && then I know I can say I am trying to be apart of the solution, instead of adding to the problem.

M.I.A. Bayyyy-beh!

2010-04-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I have not posted for a few weeks, but IMMMM BACK *juelz voice*

So for spring break, me && 8 other of my friends from school decided to go to Miami to relax && get away from Jersey. That had to be one of the best decisions we have made. Eventhough we go to school with each other, we often miss out on the little times to actually bond and catch up with each other. Miami was the perfect place to do so.

We arrived to Miami on Saturday and left the following Thursday (TOO much time alotted for GATNESS!) Thank God we left when we did because it was Hurricane Jersey happening back home. As soon as we put our bags down, we got dressed && hit the town. South Beach was TOO live for us! There were so many people walking around && entering/exiting clubs til about 6am! Washington, Ocean, && Collins were the places to be! Those strips became our new home. We met so many people it did not make sense && EVERYONE LOVES A JERSEY GIRL!

Besides enjoying vacation and a break from the mundane life we often live, we got to know each other && just enjoy each other's presence. We laughed uncontrollably, slept barely, && partied endlessly. The trip proved && validated the love we have for each other. NO ONE will or would understand what we experienced in M.I.A. && we like it like that. We have secrets that we are taking to our graves.

W.H.I.M.S.I.M

College: Degree or Degree of Experience

2010-03-11T16:39:00.001-08:00

I have had countless discussions with my collegiate friends about what collge is about. To the outside world, or people that have not &&/do not attend college, they may think it is TOTALLY about what a piece of paper says once we walk across that stage. That is wrong. Yes, college is about acquiring more academic knowledge to go out into some field && give it your best. A degree does hold weight && has become essential in life. By being in college, I have realized college is deeper than that.
Before college, my life revolved around my immediate circle of friends, my city, && things of that nature. Now I cannot wrap my mind around what my life revolves around. My physical and mental self has been pulled in so many directions since Fall 2007(semester I entered college) it does not make sense. Often, I do complain about how complex my life has become, I would NOT change it for the world. My friends && I have come to the conclusion it gives us a heads up, like a 'hey! you think this is something?! WAIT FOR THE ACTUAL REAL WORLD.' Rutgers is big enough to grow, but small enough to protect. It is a perfect transitioning space from childhood to adulthood.
Noone truly understands what a college student goes through. From the outside in, they see a job, classes, and thats basically it. This sh*t is NO joke. We have to fit in 13+ hours of class, 15+ hours of work, 10+ hours of studying, 5+ hours of org related things, 15+ hours of networking, 8+ hourse of personal time, 5+ hours of traveling, 5+ hours of running errands && (insert hours of sleep here) in one week. ITS STRESSFUL. College students do not get the credit they are due. Like people say 'College is not for everybody' YOU DAMN RIGHT! Not everyone can live that life for 4+ years and come out alive and partially sane.
I as well as others complain, but it is all worth it. College has taught me to truly be independent. Most of us, especially in the black community, feed, clothe, and take care of oursleves. I know people with 3 jobs, not only because they love money, but because they love surviving more. I can actually say, I know how to survive out in the real world, or at least have an idea.
College has also provided the opportunity of meeting so many new and exciting people. Before college, I thought I had made my lifelong friends, but in college I have really met truly important and meaningful people. People that I can see in my future.
I think the people in college remain friends, become partners in relationships, && etc. because we truly understand the idea of growth and struggle. It is not easy to mature, and the great thing is some people actually mature with you. They were the ones up with you studying, the ones carrying you out the bar or whatever or drunken nights, the ones giving you a shoulder to cry on when your heart got broke, the ones challenging hurtful rumors, lent you money when you were broke, they were the ones that was THERE...PHYSICALLY there. The relationship holds weight because you just do not attend school with them, like high school, you actually live with these people. These are the faces you see day in && out, whether you want to or not. They see the changes you go through before anyone.
This type of relationship can be intimidating to others. I have heard of my friends talking about how their friends back home, think they have changed, or think they are better. That takes a toll on you too because you are like 'DAMN! I just cant win.' Yes. People do change, who ever comes to college and does not change is a FOOL! It comes a point where you have to stop doing for others, and do for yourself. Not all friendships are meant to last. What people do not understand is that we see the world differently, in so many ways. The things we learn in class aid in this. We take everything we learn and experience and re-evaluate our lives. We become exposed to so many different opportunities and things, how could one not want more?! How could one not want to be in an environment that changes and embraces change?! Why do you think college students really don't go home??? Because we do not want to be in the same place, where we see the same people, doing the same thing. It is aggravating and upsetting. All I have to say is, if it is meant to be, it will be.
In conclusion, yes we come to college to get a degree, but we don't know when we apply that we will receive numerous life lessons to test our character. Our experience outweighs our degree, but both hold tremendous weight that cannot be calculated.

Dr. Cornel West comes to Rutgers

2010-02-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

Wow. Wow is the only word that can describe his presence and speech. I was first introduced to Dr. Cornel West when I had to read his book, 'Race Matters' in high school. That booked was wrapped in so academic jargon, I could barely wrap my mind around it, but now I am older and can probably better understand it now.

I was excited when I heard he was coming to Rutgers to speak because I know he had a lot to say in his speech on 'Race and Democracy in the Age of Obama.' What I did not know was that he was a man of witty expressions and comic relief. I believe that is the best way to lecture to a group of college kids because we do not want to have to pull out a dictionary during a speech just to comprehend a point. Dr. West did an excellent job of expresing his ideas without losing his audience because he made us feel comfortable.

On to the speech!

His speech shed som much light on the struggle of African American people, in addition to the history of this country. You have to know the past, to understand the present. He talked of the many greats such as Sojourner Truth, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Frederick Douglass, and many more; key word 'GREATS'. The problem is that many people, especially African American people think that Obama is 'great,' but Dr. West broke it down about how he is successful. It all made sense. I am a fan of Obama, but there is a difference between being successful and being great. Will people remember your name because you accomplished something by going with the current or going against the current for a greater cause?

Many of the greats made a difference because they made a powerful impact, but doing something out of the ordinary, being a 'misfit' as Dr. West would call it. Is Obama a misfit? Its a question that can be argued by either side, I know he is still early in his presidency, but what has he done so far? He is trying to get the white politicans to listen and develop new programs, but is he demanding that they do(misfit)? In order for Obama to become 'great' he has to make an effort to put a dent in the old ways of this country, go against the grain not to be popular, but because it is only right.

Dr. West talked about the 'black agenda' and how the black agenda is not only for blacks, but has to be universal. Agreed. We(blacks) can try to make a change in our circumstance, but we would have to develop ways to change the people that control our circumstance as well. The 'black agenda' is not ALL good, you have to incorporate the 'funk'... the good and the bad. We have to get to the root of the problem and not just the problem itself i.e. white supremacy, black self hatred, racism, sexism, and etc. Dr. West said "Don't talk about truth unless your allowing the suffering to speak," the ultimate truth is the pure reality, not the romanicized side because then only half of the people can relate.

We as a people have to do better and stop ignoring what has happened(slavery, oppression, etc) and acknowledge it because keeping it suppressed is only hindering us. So I leave you with this quote of Dr. Cornel West "folks cant ride your back unless it's bent."

The Cheating Trait???

2010-02-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

&& now idk if this is an o_O to everyone else like it is to me, but here it goes. During a conversation with my friends (male), we were talking about relationships, you know the regular stuff. && being a female, I wanted to get inside their head, to kind of get a small general overview of some males, and how they think. So one of them said, (amongst other things which i agreed with) 'yall women have to understand, that your man is going to step out on you at LEAST one time. I mean as long as you wifey, it shouldnt matter. Men just want to try new things.'
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YALL! I didnt know what to say. I will admit that SOME men have an infidelity problem, and cant be faithful, like a no good father cant keep food on the table, but that is NOT the case with ALL men! I mean everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but can we really excuse cheating as something a man is going to do regardless??? If you really care about someone, why would you want to jeopardize that for just some new satisfaction. && what is funny to me is if females satisfied that urge, and 'stepped out' on our partner, they would not be so easily willing to forgive OR forget!

What has happened to society?!?! I refuse to believe that cheating is now an option in a relationship. If you feel you are going to cheat, just leave the damn person, or get all your curiousities out the way before you become serious. SOME men actually think they should be allowed to cheat and be accepted back. NOOOOOO! That is NOT how it works. But where did this come from??? Hmmmm i have an idea. I would like to call this the 'wifey complex syndrome' and what it is, is the way us women have allowed our 'title' with our partner to blind us of our value to our partner. I used to see a lot of this on myspace...if a girl was receiving rumors that her man was cheating she would proceed to write 'YALL B*TCHZ JUST MAD BCZ HE IS MINE! HE COMES HOME OT ME! NOT U! UR JUST A FVK! IM THE ONE HE LOVES! U MAY HAVE HAD HIM ONCE, BUT I GOT HIM ALL THE TIME!'

NOOOOOOOW wtf is wrong with that? The girl completely ignored the wrong doing of her partner and basically made a fool of herself. LADIES IT IS NOT COOL THAT YOUR SPOUSE CHEATS! I know sometimes some things happen, but please dont take that 'we've been through a lot && can overcome this as well' && let it make you lose your damn mind! What chick can actually sleep at night knowing that her man is intimiate with someone else, to me that would made me question my worth and doubt who I am, && what I mean to him. && I am not speaking SOLEY from observation, I am speaking from experience as well. I know we may not want to step out of our comfort zone, so we allow certain things to be excused and end up basically excusing our relationship.

&& with that said, the males took notice and was like 'WATTTT?! I can do what I want && wont be punished, welp! Let the games begin.' Its said actually because it undermines the meaning and value of a relationship. Cheating shows a lack of respect, and is a slap in the face. What is done in the dark, ALWAYS comes to the light. This is why relationships and what goes along with it has gone STRAIGHT TO HELL! Behaviors that were once a 'no-no' is now a 'go' && this cant be good for NOBODY! That is why females running around saying 'all men are dogs' && the good men that are out there have to defend themselves and struggle to prove they are not the rest. && then men wonder why good girls go bad, because they dont want to receive another heartbreak. && then us women, try to play the game too && cheat on dudes && then wonder why they dont want to give their heart to a women. Plain && simple SHIT IS CRAZY!

Hmmmm, this just came to me. I mean people are responsible for their own acitons, but where do friends come in at?! Ladies && gents you see your friends cheaitng && know DAMN WELL they are wrong , but why dont you say anything (well most turn the cheek). I mean we can persuade our friends to do almost everything else, but we cant tell them how cheating is wrong ESPECIALLY if they have been with their partner for a long time...that is a little funny to me. Im not saying you have to break into the room and stop the sex, but at LEAST say something.

I know cheating will never disappear, && im perfectly fine with that. I just dont want it to become the norm in society. 'The more the better' is not applicable to ANY && EVERYTHING because that is how people end up with more diseases, more children, and more heart ache. But hey! this was just food for thought

Blame it on the Alcohol???

2010-01-24T13:08:00.000-08:00

Now we ALL know what the effects of LQ can have, but some OVER exaggerate. Some folks take the opportunity of being drunk && turn it into an opportunity to act an ASS! In other words folks be "puttin on" && "gas'n" or something my friends && I like to call #exxon ...93 Supreme please? LQ gives folks 'liqud courage' BUT where does this courage go to when the LQ is gone?

Now I have been other the influence a few times, sometimes I cant remember specific details, BUT I can honestly say, I know what I am doing, why I am doing it, && all those other details. People use LQ as an excuse to do or say what they want without suffering the proper consequences! I mean everyone's actions can be excused when they are drunk, but do NOT get drunk and turn into a whole DIFFERENT person, on the strength that people will hopefully 'forget' or give your ass an 'e-z pass.'

While under the influence, some become more flirtatious, more ignorant, more everything, but peep the word 'more' meaning they were probably already that way and LQ gave them a lil extra boost. But then you have the people that take on a new persona like o_O 'where the hell did that come from?!' They are Ms. Churchy any other time but once they are loose off the goose, they become America's next top stripper! Or Mr. Dont Get NO Drawz && once he has some patron he become Mr. I get ALL the Bitchz! like PUH-LEEZ?! LQ sometimes brings out the 'real' individual, but why do some take it over board, while others dont? I truly believe that those that act like a new person use alcohol as a testing ground to see what others truly think of them && etc.

All in all, I am just saying we all GROWN! No need to lie! 'U aint gotta lie Craig, u aint gotz to lie!' && it is not what you do, its how you do it.

2 to the 1...HERE I COME?!?!

2010-01-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

*ahem* *yells* I WILL BE 21 SOOOOOOONNNNNN! *gathers myself together*

NOW! I have been waiting to turn 21 for a LONG time now...its like the age is painted in glitter && gold && is just screaming my name. When I was younger, 21 was the age that everyonne respected, it meant 'you have arrived' but now as I am slowly creeping up on that age, I ask myself 'what will change???'

They say with age brings wisdom, && I agree with that, but what does 21 bring??? I feel I am wise for my age, but I can always use more wisdom. Being that I am in college, it just means I can legally purchase a drink && ...ummm...shoot! idk what else lol. But being 21 places you in another crowd, a more mature and classier crowd (not everyone that is 21 is mature && classy but you get the idea).

I think the age brings on moe external change, like of course I will begin to look older && those type of things. It means I can get into places and clubs that will not be polluted with high school seniors and college freshman. It just brings on more opportunities that I am willing to experience.

As far as internal growth, I have been growing. College as a whole has contributed to this growth of mine. I have grown more in my years in college than I have in the years prior. I am just happy I am turning 21 in a fabulous place! RUTGERS UNIVERSITY! I entered here a young lady, now I am a young woman, && by the time I leave I will be or one step away from being a woman. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

Money, Power, Respect...the key to life?

2010-01-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

Now...I know I may recieve some backlash from this, but hey! these are MY thoughts. Now a week or so ago, my best friend told me to youtube a few videos about Lady Gaga && Jay-Z, and it discussed the Illuminati. The videos contained some valid points && caused me to think about a lot of things. Now I am already observant && I know that people are easily influenced && that we ALL are robots due to my studies (sociology) BUT the responses from the people are what made me laugh && *twist up my mouth* the most.

Yes, we live in a capitalistic society. Yes, there are a FEW amount of people that run EVERYTHING in society. && well you know the rest. Karl Marx believed there would be a revolution from the result of capitalism, but in order for it to occur, people need to have a collective consciousness. Everyone had to realize to know what was going on && know where they stood in society. Personally, if it was to happen it would not be for centuries.

We are an mechanical society && have become more individualisic...plainly put we are SELFISH. Human beings do what they can && want to do to better their outcome. That is where I do not fault anyone that has become famous or whatever, because everyone wants to be successful. But when the ways you used to obtain your means are in question, thats when I question you.

Now Lady Gaga, a good artist I might add just sprouts the hell up virtually out of nowhere I question it. She really just popped on the tv, && from that moment on been famous. Jay-Z had more progress, he is a great lyricists && business man, but why has no other rap artist been able to "eat" like he has??? Diddy is a very smart business man as well, but he does not possess the control && influence over the people like Jay does.

When i tweeted my views on Jay-Z, I recieved backlash, NOT THAT I GIVE A FLYIN RATS BACKSIDE, but I was not mad at why they were saying things, I became mad at WHAT they were saying. Of course fans are going to stick up for their fav artist, but some folks just sounded plain f'n dumb. "if he wana worship the devil, idc, he's a gud artist' 'i mean, he can do what he want. he is a good business man, so what he does outside of that, idc...im just a fan of his music'...BASICALLY so you mean to fvkn tell me, that if this man killed people and etc you would not care, just as long as he makes good music<<
Money && power go hand and hand...i mean folks dont have to like you, to respect you. But how far is TOO far? I mean it comes to a point when it is not even respect anymore its the loss of the little identity that people have. Now Jay is not alone in this catergory...Jay said dont mess with Chris Brown, folks wouldn't let the poor thing perform. Weezy said drink cough medicine, now everybody off that lean. Rihanna cuts her hair every 5 seconds, females walk around damn near bald. Nicki Minaj says she a barbie now every poor soul has 'harajuku' 'barbie' 'minaj' && etc attached to their name. ITS RIDICULOUS! Now dont get me wrong, I am not an exception to this, I follow fashion trends(evidence of influence), I drink Ciroc cause Diddy advertised it, && etc, BUT i also have common sense (well most of the time lol).

Its just that a lot of us look at the material objects and say 'i wana be that' 'i wana do that' && tend to not care about the routes people go to obtain those things. All I am saying is we all are being used, just KNOW when you are.

New Year, New You?

2010-01-02T11:50:00.000-08:00

EVERY year folks come up with 'new year resolutions,' which are basically lies people tell themselves. When I was younger, I made "new lies" (lol) BUT i also knew my rump was not going to follow through with them. The issue I have is, why wait a whole year to change, when your behind can change immediately. I think folks make up "new lies" as a way to excuse their behavior from the previous year. To summorize what my girl @jusESHthnx said, new years is just tomorrow. PEOPLE ITS JUST THE NEXT FVKN DAY! A new year does not mean a new you, it just means a new day with your old tendencies. Change takes time, just because the dates change does not mean that you are.

Holiday Spirit has kicked the bucket?!

2009-12-25T18:29:00.000-08:00

Well hello blog world! Many have told me that I need my own show or something along those lines, so I decided to blog...Here it goes...

Now for those that know me, know I am not a 'family type' person for many reasons, but I could not help but to notice the amount of people that ditched their families to party. I, being a 'twitter feen' have seen countless tweets about the various parties they were going to && I could not help but wonder 'do these people like their families?' I am not judging ANYONE because if I could, I would have been at someone's club riding some form of a wave (lol). Back to my point...I am beginning to believe that family is not what it used to be, but do not worry it is noone's fault.

Back in the day, when society was more mechanical(im a sociology major) we vauled family more and was not AS selfish && individualistic as we are now. Now society is more organic && individualized and we are out to do what makes us happy. As college students we are not beat for sitting around in the house, stuffing our faces(yes we are lol), && answering the endless questions about college... we want to go out && have fun with people OUR age! We are not 10 years old anymore and do NOT have to tag along with our parents. We have come to a point to where we dred getting up to open gifts, partly because we aint getting S.ugarH.oneyI.ced.Tea and just want to escapae the madness.

College kids, especially American college kids refuse to be stuck at home because that is what we went to college for! We are around our friends and figure "one more day cant hurt" so we load up on LQ && hit the road! Its like would you rather get dressed up, get drunk, dance to your fav songs, && enjoy yourselfs OR be stuck at an aunt or uncle house listening to the 'prayer hype men.' The prayer hype men is a termed I coined to describe the people that be in the back while the food is being blessed saying "yes lord" "amen" "he is so good" && "yaaaaaasssssssssssss lord yas yas"(as my friend @sdotbell would say).

So to me, the holiday spirit has kicked the bucket, croaked, died, you get the point...or has it. Maybe the holiday spirit will re-appear when we all settle down and have kids && then again maybe it wont.